SURVIVOR GUILT

When I came to Auschwitz, my sister was with me. She was only 14 and it was a miracle she got past Mengele. From the moment we got into the camp, she couldn't eat. Once a week in Auschwitz you received some marmalade made from sugar beets in your hand. She couldn't even eat that. The only thing she ate was the slice of bread she got and I used to get angry with her. Once I yelled at her, "If you don't eat, you will die!"

Needless to say, I know in my head I'm not the cause of her death... but in my gut I've believed that I caused her death.

I felt guilty for many years that maybe I should have run back and tried to get her with me or stay with her. Maybe I didn't do enough to stay together. Maybe I was too selfish about saving myself. You can excuse yourself and say if I had run back my fate would have been the same as hers. There is no logic to my feelings.. but those words ring in my ears, "If you're not going to eat, you're going to die."